Thanos: The Purple Madmanby Hazel Lancaster on Aug 04, 2021
There are several things in the entire universe that just don’t make sense. Why isn’t 11 pronounced as onety-one? Why are boxing rings square? Why is it called quicksand if it takes you down slowly? And... Why the hell is Thanos so evil?
Well, the answers to the former questions are still out there waiting to be discovered, but for the latter? We’ll be answering that by delving into the origin and history of the mad titan. Who knows? Maybe we’ll even understand why on earth he’s purple.
No, this is not the typical biography with flowery words and appreciation to the person, or in this case a Titan. We won’t be talking about his favorite song or favorite app to use when he’s bored, but if I’ll take a guess it’s probably “Another One Bites the Dust” and Snapchat.
Anyway, let’s talk about how Thanos came to exist and how he became an entity with severe anger issues. His mother, Sui-San was a gorgeous raven-haired eternal who birthed two sons with A’lars or The Mentor, another eternal who’s fascinated with science. Let’s not elaborate on the “making” process because that would be inappropriate, but yes, Thanos and his brother Eros were born. He was raised in Titan, surrounded by peace and love and basically the Titan-equivalent of Peppa Pig’s family. When he was born, he possessed both the Deviant and Eternal genes which made him resilient and intimidatingly powerful.
One day, he decided to experiment on other Titans for reasons that are beyond my understanding. Maybe he drank sour milk or ran out of hot water that caused his brain cells to turn on “Evil Mode” because from then on, it only got worse. His thirst for knowledge became an obsession with death and genetic experimentation and catalyzed the doom of his home planet and the universe overall. At this point, he might’ve even exposed himself to cosmic rays and distorted his body just because he’s bored. With his discoveries and newly acquired insanity, he eventually killed many of his fellow Titans and his mother, Sui-San. If you think that he’ll stop and mourn, then prepare to be disappointed because what he did further invoked the murder-crazed maniac inside of him. He proceeded to love Death itself, proclaimed it as something he loved and worshipped and he thought that it will please Death if he killed more. But he doesn’t kill for nothing, he kills for a purpose. See, he has a brilliant mind and deadly skills in his arsenal. With everything he has, he can do anything.
Thanos saw the impending destruction of his home planet Titan, with people fighting for resources, evil acts everywhere that eventually led to their extinction. He warned them and saw it fit to cull half of the population to save the other half. But no one listened, and it came true which led him to vow to avenge the death of his people and save the universe by killing half of life. It kinda makes you sympathetic until you remember that he did it with genocide. Visiting millions of planets in the universe was cumbersome so he found an easier way to fulfill his task faster and more efficiently. Cue the infinity stones! Six immensely powerful gem-like stones connected to the different aspects of the universe. The six stones that can serve as the key to protect life or the catalyst to the universe’s impending doom.
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There are six infinity stones scattered all around the universe, the space, mind, reality, power, soul, and time stone. As Thanos was jumping from planet to planet, you know getting his daily dose of death, he picked up orphans from each of them and formed an elite team known as The Black Order. The Black Order comprises Ebony Maw or the lovechild of Squidward and Voldemort, Corvus Glaive or the overcooked Night King from Game of Thrones, Cull Obsidian or the alien King Croc impersonator, and lastly Proxima Midnight or the dark-blooded girl with anger issues. Gamora and Nebula were also adopted by Thanos but were not announced as the member of the Black Order. They are all infuriatingly loyal to Thanos and are all powerful enough to be a tough opponent for the Earth’s mightiest heroes.
The first stone that Thanos acquired was the power stone. After Ronan the Accuser’s demise, the Orb containing the power stone was protected by Nova Corps in Xandar and was then retrieved by Thanos by infiltrating their base and killing half of the population. Then, he proceeded to seek the space stone or the Tesseract by culling the remaining refugees of Asgard, killing the handsome trickster, Loki all while fighting Thor and Hulk. Thor’s potbelly and Hulk’s rebellion testifies how damaging that confrontation was. Anyway, some of the remaining stones were procured by multitasking. Thanos went for the reality stone in Knowhere where he met the Guardians of the Galaxy and kidnapped Gamora, while Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian were sent to Midgard to retrieve the time stone. Thanos was successful, but his children? Nope, one lost his hand and one was floating frozen, sipping dark-matter-coladas in space. Since Thanos won’t have to waste time punishing his children because they’re very busy being dead, he didn’t waste any time and found the location of the soul stone by tapping into Nebula’s memories. Gamora lied about finding the location, Nebula was tortured, Thanos was aiming for the “Worst Father” award and the normal family drama continues.
When they arrived at Vormir, Red Skull told them that a soul of a loved one is the price for the stone. They shared tears, Thanos shed one salty tear, trust me I counted and he pushed Gamora off the cliff. He left Vormir with a bleeding heart and a soul stone, asking himself if it was a fair trade. Despite his loss, he didn’t waste precious time by crying and decided to teleport to Titan where he faced the Guardians of the Galaxy and the Avengers. He won, obviously, and got the time stone from Dr. Strange in exchange for Tony Stark’s life. Then, from there, he only had one last conquest, the mind stone currently attached to Vision’s shiny forehead in Wakanda.
Since it’s the last one, Thanos sent his best minions and warriors, the Black Order and the Chitauri to fight off the Avengers and get the stone. Words cannot describe that epic fight scene so let’s just say he succeeded. Wanda destroyed the stone but he used the time stone to bring it back and pried it off of Vision like a louse on a child’s head. Once the infinity stones are all in the infinity gauntlet, Thor came and tried to stop him but disappointingly, he didn’t aim for the head and Thanos snapped half of life on earth and escaped to The Garden.
Twenty-one days later, while he was picking melons, the Avengers found him and cut his head off, brutal but justifiable. He was technically dead until the Avengers traveled back in time to stop the snap not knowing that they brought back the Nebula from 2014. Nebula, his daughter who talks like an asthma patient, took them to the present and started the endgame. So, like a cockroach, he’s alive again! Seeking for the gauntlet and fighting the Avengers just like clockwork! Except this time, he lost and he was the one to bite the dust when Tony made the snap. Crumbling away, he realized that he is not inevitable, death is.
Despite his atrocities and flaws, Thanos can be kind of understandable.
And no, I am not one of those fans that finds him hot and like the texture of his chin, not that there’s anything wrong about that, we all have preferences. But at least now things just make more sense and it’s enough to understand him but not favor him. We didn’t get to answer why he’s purple though, sorry to disappoint. Maybe he’s the only one who knows. Too bad he’s dead. Rest in Peace, Mr. Mad Titan, we hope we won’t meet again.
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